oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
