I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
