you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
