No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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