you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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