haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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