This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
