smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
