Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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