Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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