Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
