I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize