My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
there is glitter all over my balls
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
