Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
