if only i could text you this smell
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
