ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
