Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
