if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
