I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
