God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
