i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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