You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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