I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
God, I missed his penis.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
