So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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