We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
