i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
