I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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