Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
