May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Say something about gay babies.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize