He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
