I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
