Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
