I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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