Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this just has baby written all over it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The air taste purple.
Randomize
