so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
