I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
