is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
