just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
