your parents love me but you hate me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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