no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
