I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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