im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
