He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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