someone threw a dead crab at me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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