I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize