she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
