You smell like a Billy Joel song
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
