what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
