Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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