Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
