This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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