We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
