I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
