this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
