Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
