Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize