he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
