I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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