I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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