ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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