Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
