3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
okay pat passed out under dana's car
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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