I'm so fucking centered right now
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
