i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
