Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
