you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
