the condom got lost in my hair
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
