Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
