it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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