The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I will pee on everything he values.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
