Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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