He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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