I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
