I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Apparently you make a good broom.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dignity is for republicans.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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