We're facebook friends in real life
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
