i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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