Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
