Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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