apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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