would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
