brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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