epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
