I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize