I wish I only lived at night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
