This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
