True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
