please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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